Dear Christopher,

I was just at a meeting and the topic was "Courage to change the things I can". I didn't have much to say at the meeting. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I just don't even know what to say most of the time so I say nothing.

On my way home the thought came to me about how my heart was always in the right place, but most of my actions were wrong. I wanted to be a good mom. I tried to be a good mom. Sometimes I felt powerless to change and actually do those things I wanted to do. Sometimes I felt powerless to keep trying.

I ask God for help every day, in just about every situation, to be the best person I can be - to help others, spend time with them, give them my attention, etc... etc... etc... I have so much I regret with you, with Andy, with so many others. Those 3 weeks you came back home, I didn't even know what to do. I just wish I would've asked God to show me what to do. Instead I just held onto the fact that I didn't know what to do, so I didn't really do anything. Though I was there for you and maybe, that's all I could've done.

I love you so much. I miss you and think of you always. I miss your smile and your entire being, your hugs, your I love you's, and everything! I will see you in a moments time.

Love,

Mom

Mom,
You came to mind to night,so I thought I would write you a short note.Your granddaughter starts her new school on Monday.She is a little scared but I'm sure she will do just find.The sale of your place in Walnut Creek went through in August.Both Michael and I are glad to have that taken care of.
I know you were with us in Corvallis.So,what did you think of their new house? I don'
t think they will stay there very long.Michael can't be away from Concord to long.
How is Dad?How are you an Mary getting along?
Love
Your Son

Hello, dear Ruth.

Today I was sitting out on the front porch, watching and listening to the birds. I have to remain really still or they get spooked and don’t come. I had sat so still for so long, not moving a muscle, ears tuned to the birds and the wind, when I suddenly felt that you were standing just around the corner of the house, watching and listening with me. I didn’t dare get up and walk around the corner to see you because I was so afraid that would scare you away too, just as it would the birds.

You would be 50 now. What would you look like? What books would you be reading now? What gossip would we have laughed over had you dropped in for lunch today? Oh, dear sister, I miss you so much. I hope you are well and happy.

All my love,

Alice

Hi Dickie,
I just heard you passed, you went without telling me....buggers. I was thinking about you so much this last Sunday.
Where were you??
I sending this to you, hope you get it...you are in heaven, right?? I don't have an email address for limbo, purgatory, or hell, I'm sure you're not there though.
I hope you didn't have any pain, and if you did you took massive drugs.
Hope Russ is doing okay, I'll drop him a note.
I'm sad you are gone, we always had such fun together.
Allyson sends her greetings too.
Keep in touch, however you can.
xoxo Lass

Hi Ma, After what seems like a year I finally had a chance to visit your final resting place again yesterday and left some flowering tree branches so in the days to come, they should start to blossom and with the sun from the skylight shinning brightly on your spot, it should be a pretty image. I left you the usual shower cap which I'm sure the clean up crew has no idea about, but at least you, Ruth and I all understand. I'll try and get there sooner and more often in 2008. Keep your spirit alive, and until my next visit, remember, I'm always thinking of you. r