Dear Christopher,

I was just at a meeting and the topic was "Courage to change the things I can". I didn't have much to say at the meeting. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I just don't even know what to say most of the time so I say nothing.

On my way home the thought came to me about how my heart was always in the right place, but most of my actions were wrong. I wanted to be a good mom. I tried to be a good mom. Sometimes I felt powerless to change and actually do those things I wanted to do. Sometimes I felt powerless to keep trying.

I ask God for help every day, in just about every situation, to be the best person I can be - to help others, spend time with them, give them my attention, etc... etc... etc... I have so much I regret with you, with Andy, with so many others. Those 3 weeks you came back home, I didn't even know what to do. I just wish I would've asked God to show me what to do. Instead I just held onto the fact that I didn't know what to do, so I didn't really do anything. Though I was there for you and maybe, that's all I could've done.

I love you so much. I miss you and think of you always. I miss your smile and your entire being, your hugs, your I love you's, and everything! I will see you in a moments time.

Love,

Mom

Dear Mom,

It's been five years since you left us. Sept 27 It was a rainy, windy Sat morning and Marla called and said it was
time to say goodby. You left us that morning and you would be happy to know your wrinkles too.
Mom I miss you so much. I miss talking to you I miss your advice. You always knew when I was down
and tried to cheer me up. I talk to Marla everyday but she's not you.
I'm so sorry I didn't get to spend more time our last visit in SF. I was so worried about my jobs, I didn't give
you enough attention. I wish I had that visit back. Come to me in my dreams and let me know you forgive
me my slight. I Love and missyou.

Your daughter,

Janice